Speak my Secrets into Trees

27 Sep

I woke up and my head was not above the clouds. My head was more like under sea level and mornings just don’t fly when you’re that deep under.

I’m on my moon time. Moon time is the term for “menstrual cycle”. Yes, I’ll announce that and I don’t consider it shameful or inappropriate.

Grandmother moon imbued women with the power to cleanse themself. During this time women are at their all time power high. There is a lot of protocol surrounding this time and you need to be more aware of your actions and what you handle because your power can affect others.

I’m sitting in class getting beat up by waves of sorrow, longing, with splashes of feeling lost.

We go in a circle and discuss naming ceremonies and speak on what our names mean to us.

I was named Helen, after my Great Grandma who raised my father. My middle name is June, after my maternal Grandmother.

My teacher says, “What an honour, to be named after these women who came before you. Now you will walk your life holding these women’s names with you.”

It is an honour and I realized that I will never be alone.

I almost cry at other people’s naming stories and then have a few more almost cries from there to the vehicle. I don’t cry this much on a normal day.

I believe that because I am in cleanse mode, all of the feelings that I have been ignoring are surfacing and I have the power now, to process them. It is good to be able to do this and I give thanks.

I pick up my little cousin and we drive out to the nearest lake and talk about home.

It’s beautiful there, the water is calm and you can see the hills clearly reflected in its smooth face. I pray. We frolic with the minnows then seat ourselves on a gigantic fallen tree.

“Let’s just listen for a while and see what new noises we can hear,” I tell her.

It was like the world connected to us all at one moment. A mouse shuffles loudly beneath us as a bird swoops into the water carrying away a fish.

“The mouse is the sign of introspection,” I say softly.

I talk to her about how stories I heard are of people speaking their sorrows into trees. When you give this piece of yourself to the tree, it will carry it upwards to the light. The forest will hold your secrets and the earth will take your tears.

“Let’s do it then!” She says with a gleam in her eye.

We let our trees choose us and get down to business.

I left the forest feeling renewed and more aware of my connection to all that is living. What I realized was, I can’t think my way out of everything. Sometimes I have to let go and feel. Sometimes I have to pray and trust that I’ll be led. Sometimes I just have to admit that I don’t know the way.

 

With love,

Helen K

 

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