True Purpose

5 Aug

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I have dined waterside in Geneva under chandeliers, with a cloth napkin on my lap that the multi-lingual waiter so carefully placed there. My toes have touched several seas and seen the stars from several vantage points across the globe. I felt my heart expand and tear while building schools in Nicaragua while I made friends with shoeless smiling children. I have been so far tucked into the mountains of the North that I could almost feel my ancestors breath upon the back of my neck. I have held my child in my arms after a long life changing pregnancy. I have been to rehab four times and seen hope reborn and die more times than I can count. I have written volumes of bad poetry and some good long lasting words…. and after all this I still hold the fear that I should be found out to be boring or an imposter of some form.

I once stood in front of a room of proud Indigenous women from different nations across Canada and told them through teary eyes and stifled sobs that I was waiting for someone to tell me that I don’t belong there. I can remember the gentle face of one of the older ladies, a Chief from a Nation to the East who softly told me that I did belong.

 

I learned in my Mental Health class that there are many women who suffer from a form of “imposter syndrome” who harbour the same feelings. They work, achieve, and learn but are left feeling like someone will find them out.

Perhaps the only thing we are waiting for is to find our true selves and the true purpose we are put here to accomplish. Maybe then, everything else will melt away and leave us knowing we are exactly who we are supposed to be.

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