The Changing Landscape of a Vagina

12 Jan

“The landscape of your vagina has changed”

she says this to me from between my knees

referring to the LEEP procedure

and cryotherapy

performed a few years before.

Measures take against

the pre-stages of cervical cancer.

The beast that demanded a hysterectomy

but didn’t get it.

“Must have been aggressive”

she said moments before

my legs were up in stirrups

as she click clacked at her computer.

Forget the rapes that count as many as the fingers on my hand

less a thumb.

The last one,

aggressive enough to create

a year long vagina complex

I still haven’t recovered from.

The landscape of your vagina has changed,

never mind having given birth.

A vagina and cervical marathon completed

with whispered pleas,

“Take me to Mexico,

                            let’s forget this baby is coming”

Birth marks

are not just for the new born.

My body remembers all of these stories.

The dips and valleys

of a receded cervix,

scars and cuts,

makes my vagina a war torn country.

Life and death have lived here.

Men have spilled blood here

My vagina and I

fear we must disguise it

as something it’s not,

in order to make

   peace

with ourselves.

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